The Night Before the Last Day

I'm not sure how I became so sappy but I can be honest that I have been this way always.  Sorry in advance.

It's 10:00 on the night before the last day of school. Wahoo!  We (as teachers) have been counting down the days until tomorrow since somewhere in March.  The kids have been itching to be done, the 4th and 5th graders are testing the limits with daily bathing and how to mask the smells, the rooms are emptying and everything has an excited flair.  Then I sit down and think. Ten years ago I was graduating.  Ten.  I don't remember much beside my whole family was there, it was Wisconsin and it was outside.  But that was the day that all this was possible.  Yes it is true my first baby will be done with first grade tomorrow and he will be 34 days away from turning 7.  Yes it's true that my second baby will be home with us for almost all of the summer and I swear she is waiting to start walking until we are done with school, but that is not why I'm all sappy and what not.

I started my career in a medical setting, a place where parents brought me their children and asked me to help them.  I worked long hours every day of the week year round.  I had 10 "vacation" days but if you were sick you lost a vacation day.  I saw those kids for years, until they were ready for discharge or they moved schedules changed, but it was a kid here or there.  Then I entered the Early Intervention system.  I drove out to kids home's and daycare's, I spend an hour with them sharing my toys with them and them sharing their toys with me, then they turned three.  The day before they turned three was the last day I could "see" the kids.  It was hard, I had to give over the cute little babies to the schools and had to walk away, just after I started making progress, a break through, the first words, the first play, some times the first hug.  Then I joined the schools.  It wasn't my dream job at the time, but it was a job, with kids, and I was home before dinner and bed time.  Then it happened for the first time.  The 5th graders went on to 6th grade, the just left.

The second year I was a bit more ready for it.  I kept reminding myself, that it would happen at the end of the year, but that was the first year I had students on my caseload that were moving on to the next grade.  It's a weird sort of goodbye.  To my students it's just the end of one chapter and in 12 weeks the start of a new one.  Most of my students were not fully aware of the change that would happen for them but we knew.  They weren't going to be elementary kids anymore.  They were to be Jr. High kids and in three years High Schoolers.  That year I witnessed my first 5th grade parade where they line up all the 5th graders and they walk them through the school one last time.  They give a wave to all the kids and staff and they are the first ones to leave the building on the last day of school. I knew, maybe, 2 kids at that school but let me tell you I went through about 100 tissues.  Maybe it was the fact that the next year MY baby would be starting kindergarten and I knew he would be a 5th grader before I knew it, and the graduating and who knows what else.  Maybe it was me just being a sap.  Whatever it was I quickly learned AVOID THE LAST DAY!

The third year I lucked out.  I had a baby early May meaning I conveniently missed the last day.  Elijah went off to school as a kinder and came home a first grader.  No tears were shed, and I was a sleep deprived new mother hormonal mess.  This year, not so lucky.  I lose 7 kids off of my caseload to 6th grade.  Most of these kids I have seen for 4 years, some more.  I have seen these kids come leaps and bounds.  Just thinking of the last day makes me cry.  The kids are not making it any easier for me. Take a kid that has difficulty expressing and understanding emotions, mix in a language disorder and a huge change you end up with many 5th graders unable to express themselves beside crying or yelling.  It's hard to work through these emotions when I all I want to do is curl up on the bean bags and cry next to them.

Therefore, if you need me tomorrow, bring a box of tissues because I don't do well with goodbyes.  After the kids leave you might need to come drag me out of my office and put me in the sun.  Change is hard for me and next year will be different.  I will be in a different school, have new kids on my caseload, and be traveling between two schools.  Too bad things can't stay the same, I have the same down but I much change, I must adapt and next year I will be in the same spot dreading the change, and upset about the 5th graders leaving.  

Mother's Day 2016

When you are a kid you think your mother is great. She loves you, she gives you hugs and kisses when you need them and when you don't. Sometimes she even takes you out for ice cream.  However, until you yourself become a mother you don't realize how much your mother gave you.  I'm even 95% convinced even fathers don't truly understand what a mom does (unless there isn't a mom to do them), so let me explain for all you non-mothers or soon to be mothers. 

1. A mom gives up her brain: The amount of time I spend finding everyone else's crap I am truly amazed when I can find anything of mine when I need it.  Granted I loose my car keys, cell phone, glasses, and pens within 30 seconds, all while standing/sitting in one spot, but that's because I just found four shoes that were spread across two stories and in four different rooms, the pjs the kids took off in the most random places while I was trying to shower, a stuffed animal that wandered into the car during dinner, and that random piece of foam you found at the store today and are now convinced it is a piece of pirate treasure that you have to keep within arms reach (except when you went to the bathroom an forgot about it for an hour).

2. A mom gives up sleep: Some mothers give up sleep for a much longer period of time than others, but we all do it. Personally I have lost at least 3 years of sleep in the past 7 years of being a mother.  I had a weird issue while pregnant that I would only sleep for about 2-3 hours a night. Then the sleep sucking babies were born and needed attention throughout the nights.  Apparently those cute adorable babies need to eat, even at night, and someone needs to feed them.  After they are done with night feedings they create new reasons to need you, sickness, bloody nose, bad dreams, they can't find the rock they snuck into bed after you told them "no" seven times to.  Even after they out grow that stage they invent something like sleep talking or walking, you can't sleep for a moment thinking you will wake up with your child sleep standing next to your bed.  I think my personal favorite was when my child started sleep screaming in the middle of the night when my husband wasn't home.  I thought the adrenaline was going to give me a heart attach.

3. A mom gives up warm meals: For all children up through age 4 the best gift they can give their mother is a warm meal. I would even settle for a reheated meal some nights.  I will admit, I'm not a great cook, only because I don't have the time or the patience to cook after a full day of work, but still eating what is supposed to be warm food while it is still warm would be wonderful.  I spend so much time cutting, feeding, serving, grabbing the stuff that I left on the counter that by the time I sit down to eat everyone is done and my husband is putting away the leftovers. Not only is the food cold, but now I'm also alone eating it. 

4. A mom gives up a clean organized house: It's been said before but I will say it again, cleaning a house while you have small children is the definition of insanity. Babies are programmed robots to remove anything and everything from the organization they are placed in (books on shelves, toys in baskets, food in the pantry) they actually follow you around while you're cleaning and undo everything 10 seconds after you do it.  Older children are just messy.  My son and toothpaste are in an epic battle that I have sworn off his bathroom for the next 10 years because I just don't understand how there could be toothpaste in the locations I have found it.  At this point it might be easier to move than clean.

There are many more things mothers do that go unnoticed by their children for many many years, however, once they notice them they have a higher amount of respect for their mothers and are amazed that even in an age without technology, our mothers survived.  Maybe there is still hope for us.  Maybe someday my children will understand what I did for them, maybe they won't, either way, I wouldn't give it up for the world. A belly laugh and a slobber kiss from the baby and a hand colored card from the older kid is compensation enough for all I give up.  

Love you kids, love you mom.