The Night Before the Last Day

I'm not sure how I became so sappy but I can be honest that I have been this way always.  Sorry in advance.

It's 10:00 on the night before the last day of school. Wahoo!  We (as teachers) have been counting down the days until tomorrow since somewhere in March.  The kids have been itching to be done, the 4th and 5th graders are testing the limits with daily bathing and how to mask the smells, the rooms are emptying and everything has an excited flair.  Then I sit down and think. Ten years ago I was graduating.  Ten.  I don't remember much beside my whole family was there, it was Wisconsin and it was outside.  But that was the day that all this was possible.  Yes it is true my first baby will be done with first grade tomorrow and he will be 34 days away from turning 7.  Yes it's true that my second baby will be home with us for almost all of the summer and I swear she is waiting to start walking until we are done with school, but that is not why I'm all sappy and what not.

I started my career in a medical setting, a place where parents brought me their children and asked me to help them.  I worked long hours every day of the week year round.  I had 10 "vacation" days but if you were sick you lost a vacation day.  I saw those kids for years, until they were ready for discharge or they moved schedules changed, but it was a kid here or there.  Then I entered the Early Intervention system.  I drove out to kids home's and daycare's, I spend an hour with them sharing my toys with them and them sharing their toys with me, then they turned three.  The day before they turned three was the last day I could "see" the kids.  It was hard, I had to give over the cute little babies to the schools and had to walk away, just after I started making progress, a break through, the first words, the first play, some times the first hug.  Then I joined the schools.  It wasn't my dream job at the time, but it was a job, with kids, and I was home before dinner and bed time.  Then it happened for the first time.  The 5th graders went on to 6th grade, the just left.

The second year I was a bit more ready for it.  I kept reminding myself, that it would happen at the end of the year, but that was the first year I had students on my caseload that were moving on to the next grade.  It's a weird sort of goodbye.  To my students it's just the end of one chapter and in 12 weeks the start of a new one.  Most of my students were not fully aware of the change that would happen for them but we knew.  They weren't going to be elementary kids anymore.  They were to be Jr. High kids and in three years High Schoolers.  That year I witnessed my first 5th grade parade where they line up all the 5th graders and they walk them through the school one last time.  They give a wave to all the kids and staff and they are the first ones to leave the building on the last day of school. I knew, maybe, 2 kids at that school but let me tell you I went through about 100 tissues.  Maybe it was the fact that the next year MY baby would be starting kindergarten and I knew he would be a 5th grader before I knew it, and the graduating and who knows what else.  Maybe it was me just being a sap.  Whatever it was I quickly learned AVOID THE LAST DAY!

The third year I lucked out.  I had a baby early May meaning I conveniently missed the last day.  Elijah went off to school as a kinder and came home a first grader.  No tears were shed, and I was a sleep deprived new mother hormonal mess.  This year, not so lucky.  I lose 7 kids off of my caseload to 6th grade.  Most of these kids I have seen for 4 years, some more.  I have seen these kids come leaps and bounds.  Just thinking of the last day makes me cry.  The kids are not making it any easier for me. Take a kid that has difficulty expressing and understanding emotions, mix in a language disorder and a huge change you end up with many 5th graders unable to express themselves beside crying or yelling.  It's hard to work through these emotions when I all I want to do is curl up on the bean bags and cry next to them.

Therefore, if you need me tomorrow, bring a box of tissues because I don't do well with goodbyes.  After the kids leave you might need to come drag me out of my office and put me in the sun.  Change is hard for me and next year will be different.  I will be in a different school, have new kids on my caseload, and be traveling between two schools.  Too bad things can't stay the same, I have the same down but I much change, I must adapt and next year I will be in the same spot dreading the change, and upset about the 5th graders leaving.  

My Kids

I use that term a lot.  I mean a lot, a lot.  I use the term to talk about my biological children, you know the ones that sleep under the same roof.  I also use that term to talk about every single one of the children on my caseload.  Some of the kids on my caseload I have had for 3 years, some even longer.  But after many days together, good and bad, I look at those kids as my kids.  Something bad happens to them, I hurt and want to fix it.  When something good happens, I celebrate with them.  Something funny happens, I laugh.  Going forward I will talk about my kids.  Sometimes it might be the Okel kids, others it will be my school kids.  It might be obvious which is which, but don't always bank on that.  I mean the other day one of the kids ate a piece of dog food, and another ate  the tip of a pencil.  Guess which one happend in my house... I'm not telling!

But here is a cute picture from newly crawling baby that is getting into EVERYTHING.  This one really is my very own baby.

School the Week After Break

School life has odd roller coaster effects.  Sure there are several "normal" roller coaster moments but definitely more odd ones, especially if you have never worked in the schools.  Some of the normal ones are beginning of the school year high, followed by the end of October low, followed by the Thanksgiving break high, then the sky rocket high of December.  It continues but one of the crazy time of year is coming back from break longer than a three day weekend.

I find it funny how long it takes kids (across the whole school) to get into the routine of school, and how quickly it takes them to fall out of routine.  I mean I even fell victim to it this year as I was sitting in a meeting with my stomach growling.  The typical return to school is as follows:

Day 1: Kids are so happy and excited to be back at school
Day 2: Kids are average getting into school but by lunch some of them are starting to fall asleep and be crabby over little things.
Day 3: Some of the kids are sleeping, some of the kids are crying, some of the kids just cannot function, while other kids are bouncing off the walls.
Day 4 and 5: Things start to get back to normal and we go on about our ways until the next break.

These are some things I have heard in the three days back from break from kids:
Don't worry, my ears are not missing, they are just under my head phones. (Thank goodness this kid told me this, I was just about to wonder where his ears went).
(Teacher: What did you do over break?) Wake up.
I went in an elevator, up, down, up, down, up, down, up, down.
(While crying) I miss my mom. (Teacher) Do you want snack? (Stops crying immediately) Okay!

Poor X

I have been attending some training a these past few days about Autism.  However, I took all these trainings last year and have been going to refresh my memory.  This leads me to some points during the lectures/presentations where, surprise, surprise, I get distracted and my brain starts to wander.  On one of these days, we were in a kindergarten room of the school and the only thing on the walls was the alphabet strip.  Of course only the first three letters and last five letters were visible so I became fixated on the lonely letter X.  Poor guy.  He doesn't have many words that start with him, and his name is his sound.   You know when you say the letter M sound you go mmmmmmm.  For X you say "eks" or X.  That sucks for him.  And sometimes in words like xylophone, he sounds like Z not eksylophone.  Just saying, I feel bad for the poor letter.  

That is all carry on.

IEPs take 2

An IEP is the shortened name of Individulizes Education Plan. Each child 3-21 in a school that receives services, speech/ occupational/ physical therapy/ modifications on tests, blah blah blah.  What most people don't understand about IEPs is the amount of time and effort that goes into each one. I will let you peak at the process of IEPs.  

Like I said, all students on my caseload have to have an IEP.  Every year the IEP needs to be reviewed with goals to be addressed over the next school year and results of the last year reviewed.  Every three years a child needs to be reassessed with a more intense review of current level of performance.  For a non-review year I would gather the data from the past year write a report (45 minutes or so), meet with teachers, aids, and other services (30-90 minutes) discussing overall progress for the past year.  We also discuss the most appropriate goals for the up coming year and the best placement for them.   For those three year reviews, you have to add in testing time, scoring of the test, analyzing the test, meeting with others doing testing to discuss their results, a more intense report explaining the testing and scores.  That adds about an hour onto whole process.   

That is just the physical process.  What doesn't get added into the IEP time is the time I spend laying awake thinking of goals, letting test scores sink in and processing. I think about these kids in the shower, making dinner, in bed when I should be sleeping, in my dreams and in the car.  

As professionals we put out heart and soul into these kids lives to give them the most help to let them succed with the least amount of support.  We get together as a team and recommend from our hearts.  We don't sit around and pick our favorite kid and give them everything while the rest we try to screw over. I sometimes felt while in private practice parents viewed the IEP as a time of us against them.  We really are on the kids side, but due to policies we might not be able  do what we fully want, but guess what, you can't do it in all in the private practice either.  There are limitations there too, but those are not viewed as horrible.  We are professionals, we do know what we are talking about and for my caseload of 26-28 by the end of IEP season I will be surprised if I can still function.  

Kindergarten

If I write it it might come true, so since I don't want it to come true I am having a hard time writing it.  

In August my baby will officially stop being my baby and turn into my school age kid.  I have been thinking since he was born that I would hold him back a year and start him after he turns 6 but I can't justify it anymore.  I work with the kindergarteners and know what is expected of them at this point in  the year and in some areas Elijah meets and exceeds those areas.  Therefore, I have to come terms with it all..and it's hard.  Registration is the second week in February, I'm floored.

On the up side, Elijah knows 60+ sight words in flash cards and some books.  It's crazy how fast he has added these words.  We only started at the beginning of January.

Brick wall

It's hard for me to believe that I had just had 2.5 weeks off of work. I feel like I have been working nonstop for at least a month.  The reality though is it's just been 3 days. And they were not the hardest days either.  The kids have been great these few days.  Happy, compliant work bugs.  But I have to say I really miss my 8:00am roll out of bed time, along with my afternoon nap.  That is probably the real reason this week has kicked my butt.  On the up side of things all the teachers feel this way. I have teachers who have lost their keys for three straight days only to find them at the end of every day. I have seen teachers looking off into space for moments on end before they realize what they have been doing.  Please note thoughts (unless I'm just that exhausted I can't remember) I have given you a small window into my life.  Thanks for coming back, I know I can be a bit scary/weird sometimes, but let's be real, that's why you love me.

How did the first day go?

How did the first day back at school go? You know after 2 weeks and 2.5 days off school? Oh about just like this...

Yeah between all the teachers upset that they couldn't take mid-day naps and the kids who still went sure how they got to school today it was quiet and delightful. I was proud of myself for not falling asleep between meetings or while at my desk. I even remembered that it was Wednesday and I went to my second job. However, with that being said, I am sleepy and I think my bed is calling my name.  

Pass!

As I am sitting waiting for my first kid, who no showed by the way, one of our new hires came in and he looks exhausted.  He was waiting to see if he had passed his exam to get his licence.  About 5 minutes later he comes bounding back in because he just found out he passed.  I then started thinking about how I found out I passed my test.  Oh wait, I blogged about it way back when.  But 6 years ago it was not done electronically and I had to wait almost 6 weeks before I found out.  But that feeling was the best once I knew I passed.  All that hard work and studying paid off and now I never had to study again.  Not only did our current new grad pass, but the OT starting next week also passed.  She's also my step-sister.  Wahoo!  No more studying for her either. 

Dino's at daycare

What a great month to start this daycare.  It's dino month at daycare.  So far in two days he has been on a dino dig, and made a dino hat.  What else could be perfect for a child who loves dinos, than a new school with dinos.  Today he did nap, and he did great with potty training. 

Daycare

Well Elijah and I both survived yet another day of first day of daycare.  Yes I know, my child is 2 years 6 months and yes I know we are on our 4th daycare.  But in all fairness only two of them I chose to remove him from.  They were not the best environment for Eli.  The last place he was at closed on me without much warning.  But today we started yet another daycare.  I like this one just like I liked my last one.  Let's hope that I continue to like them.  Elijah had a good first day.  He only had one little accident, was bit by a kid, and didn't nap because another new kid did not want to nap and cried the whole time.  Elijah apparently fell asleep less than a block away for school and didn't wake up until about 6:30.  Poor kid.  But like always, he was a great kid.  The teachers were impressed with his eating ability and his ability to stick with the structure.  I can't wait to see what things he creates. 

Angry

The thing that made me angry today: Mrs. C. 

I have a student currently and I have been working with her for 6 weeks.  She is fresh.  She has only been applying her book knowledge for a total of maybe 3 weeks.  So I have to take everything with a grain of salt.  I have to look and assess her differently from some one who has been working in this field for years as an aid or assistant or anything else.  With that being said my student is doing amazing.  I am floored at the progress she is making.  Today I was even talking to her and as I was making suggestions she was 2 steps ahead of me.  It was amazing.  I'm rubbing off on her, I'm so happy.

However, today my student's supervisor came to observe her.  The end result of this was meeting was tears.  The last time this supervisor was in charge of one of my students the result was the same.  I mean really lady?  What gives you the right to make these girls cry.  You barley know these girls.  You don't know how many hours they spend prepping, researching, writing, planning.  You don't know how much they talk with me, ask me what my opinion is, what I would do.  If anyone on this planet has the right to make these girls cry it is ME.  If anyone needs to tell these girls they aren't working hard enough, or doing enough it is ME!  LEAVE THEM ALONE!

Plus at this stage in the game, the majority of the sessions have bits of me.  My idea, my games, my models, my help, my brain.  So when this lady comes in and criticizes therapy she is criticizing ME.  I have been a therapist for over 6 years now.  Every year I grow more, I learn more and I re-assess and change.  This past year I have learned WAY more than I have in probably the past 2 years combined.  So lady, you coming in 2 years in a row and making these girls cry and tell them that they are not good therapist you are telling me that.  And you know what?  I have spent way to long listening to people tell me that I am not good enough, that I am not "smart" enough to succeed at what I want to do.  It's people like you that make me hate school, that made me call my parents weekly, made me think I should leave school because I just couldn't do it.  People like you should not be teachers.  You are dream crushers.  I might not be the best report writer, or practical application person but gosh darn it I am a fantastic therapist.  My kids love me, my parents love me and I get results.  I connect with these kids and parents in a way some of your straight A students never could.  You want to know why?  Because these parents are coming to me telling me that they are being told there child won't be able to X Y or Z.  And I can honestly look in their eyes and tell them that's non-sense and their child will do what ever they set there mind to. Just look at me. 

So Mrs. C, Mrs. Foster and all you other teachers that told me I won't be able to do it.  :-P

I think I'm done now. *sigh*

First day of School

Children are not the only ones starting school this week.  I had a grad student start with me today making me the teacher for the next 10 weeks.  BOO.  I love taking students, it is really an eye opener and lets me know what I need to freshen up on and makes me be an even better therapist.  I have to set good examples, however, I am a fly by the seat of my pants sort of therapist that plans a session after it has already begun.  Now I will need to do so before I start and have all of my materials gathered and organized.  Plus we also started another full time SLP today which means I have to share all of my materials and my space.  Wish me luck.  The next 2-3 weeks will be difficult, the last 2-3 of my 10 weeks will be a piece of cake. 

What was I thinking

I signed up for an online course to get free continuing ed hours.  However, I lost track of time and realize I need to get all of the course done buy Monday.  AHHHHH that sucks.  Guess what I will be doing tonight and forever.  BOO.

I feel like it's been forever

I have realized this past week I have not blogged very much.  It has been a bit busy.  Let me fill you in.

1. Last Saturday we threw a surprise party for our neighbor who turned 30 last Thursday. It was a success, she was surprised.
2. Last Sunday we did church and joined a group to help make new mentors feel at home in our church.
3. Elijah and Daddy when to youth group together and I cleaned up all of Elijah's old clothes and put all the fall/winter ones in his closet (didn't know this whole week would be summer weather).
4. Monday worked until 7
5. Tuesday celebrated my 13 year anniversary with my hubby.
6. Wednesday I worked until 7 and had the issue with the plane crash in the area.

7. Thursday I had a class 1.5 hours away from home learned a lot and feel real good about being a parent and a therapist but spent over 3 hours in the car driving, went out to dinner with the neighbors for the birthday and then promptly fell asleep at 8:00 on the couch.

8. Friday visited a new mommy and baby pair, then headed to the old High school for the homecoming football game and and marching band.  Elijah enjoyed the marching band but was so ready to leave after that.  Seeing that it was 1.5 hours past his bed time.

 9. Today Elijah had his doctor appointment (31 inches long, 25 lb and 4 oz) had three shots, and was mad at mommy. Drove out for the college homecoming football game (E slept 2 of the 2.5 hour drive) watched/stayed for 2 quarters then walked all over the campus for 2 some hours before getting back in the car and driving home (another 2.5 hour nap for E). 

Elijah about to walk off the cliff/hill

  

climbing up the hill





Chiling with my little man under the bell tower





Family under the bell tower



Family photo

Wawa says Elijah

Here dino, smell my stinky shoes.  No daddy don't feed me to it.

 

Now I'm sleepy, but that was my week in a nut shell.  I miss the beauty of my college but would only go back if BJ would stay with me the whole time.  Also blogger is not allowing me to move the pictures to where I want.  So deal with them the way they are.  At least you got pictures.  Be thankful!

I have found my voice twin!!

About 5 and a half weeks ago I started a Speech-Language Pathology student. I thought I was super lucky because she was already an Speech Path Assistant and had been working for 2 years. Little did I know I would find me. She showed up and jumped right in with two feet. She is awesome. I barley need to offer assistance. However, as I was sitting in one of the sessions a couple weeks ago I started to realize how much the two of us sound the same while we treat. most therapists have their every day voice then they have their super sweet, super "I can make you do anything" voice that they use during therapy. We also each have a couple of staple words and phrases that we seem to use over, and over, and over, and over. That way when the child starts to copy our voice and our special words/phrases we know they have been in therapy long enough. Most of the time that means time to kick you out the door but other times it just means its time to work on some thing new. Anyway, I started to realize my student and I have the same therapist voice, and the same words. I then told her about my observation and we laughed it off. About 2 or three days later we were sitting next to each other treating and sure enough, out popped the same words in the same voice at the exact same time. We both then froze, looked at each other, and laughed it off. It wasn't until Monday that I realized how bad it really was.

We ended up video taping a little guy during an evaluation to get a great language sample but due to his severe stutter I needed something super wonderful, which is why I went with the camera. And no Jen, this one did not have anything about 10 pointers or deer stands. Well Monday, we were listening/watching the tape and we had to stop the camera several times because we couldn't tell which one of us (neither of us were ever actually on camera) had just done the talking. I'm not going to lie either there are still moments when if the child wouldn't have looked in the direction of the speaker, I still wouldn't know who asked the question.

Therefore, all this verifies that my student should get an A for the term because if watching a tape pointed at the client and I can't tell if it was me on the other side or her, that is awesome for her!

Here Ye, Here Ye

**Trumpet Sound**
Just thought I would let you all know that I am now an official Speech Language Pathologist!!! Yes I did it. I got hooded, I climbed the steps, I walked across the stage, I shook some persons hand, and then walked down the stairs. I didn't fall and they said my name correctly. As far as school goes, I think I am done for a couple of years. Now it is time to grow up and get a job. The thought is a little frightening just because it is something new. It's not that I don't think I will be a good SLP but the fact that I am no longer a student. It took me 6 years to finally figure out how to do a good job at school now it will all change and I will have to be a professional.

Thanks for your attention, you can go on with your day.

Careful, we are about to wake a sleeping beast!

So it has been over a month since I last posted and I have a good explanation for it all I promise. But along with my explanation I will catch you up to everything that has been happening in the busy world of Kelly.

First of all, I PASSED MY TEST!!! Wahoo! This was not a test that I needed to pass to graduate this was just a test I needed to pass in order to get my state license. Done! I was worried about it for a while but now that I know I did it I am not worried any more.

Second, the time between the test and now I spent a lot of time preparing a presentation and writing a paper for school. Basically the paper needed to be about a treatment option or type of syndrome we were working closely with during our internship. That took more time than I would have liked it to have taken, but it is done and now I am waiting for a grade on the project.

Third, I finished up with my internship with Action For Kids. It feels good to be done but I miss all my little kiddos.

Fourth, I got a job. I interviewed some time in March and I accepted a posision at the Rainbow Center which is super exciting and super scary at the same time. I mean come on, this is my first step in being a grown up.

Fifth, BJ and I are moving along smoothly in the wedding plans but I want to talk more about that in a bit.

And last but not least, BJ and I found a place we want to live for the next year or so of our lives while we get everything settled before we buy a house.

Okay about this wedding thing, it's actually more about the wedding and growing up thing. Recently I have been having moments where I just become way overwhelmed with things going on. I try not to think of things to much because that is when it happens the most, however, I will just be sitting somewhere and all of a sudden I will realize that I will soon have to pay a lot of money for rent every month and now it is me paying with my own money not mom's money any more. Then I start to think about having a real job. I have been working this job for about the past 15 weeks but now it will be for real, I will be on my own, nobody will be watching me, or there to jump in if something bad happens during therapy. Then I start to combine the two things and start to worry that the money BJ and I will be making won't be enough to pay our bills and still be able to save for a house cover our fun expenses. Then there is the whole wedding thing too. I mean the invitations need to go out soon, and I mean soon. Like the end of next week and I don't even know if we have all of the right addresses. We sent out our save the dates but some of them came back "return to sender" now I don't remember which ones those are and I would hate to have someone not get there invite because it go lost in the mail. Then it is like every time I turn around some one new is asking me, "Is there anything I can do to help?" and I feel bad telling them no when I am in this state of mind. Im going crazy but I am such a perfectionist that I know if something isn't done just the way I would do it, I would probably redo it just so I felt comfortable that it was a quality job or something. Then there is the shower stuff too. I don't really know how this is supposed to go but I thought I wasn't supposed to have to worry about planning the showers. Right now however, I feel like a relay person telling this person what that person said or is thinking, then relaying the comments back to the first person and so on.

I think I am just a little overwellmed can you tell??? I hope this is normal but I'm not really sure. And I really hope it's over soon because I can't take it much longer.

Sorry it was so long but it makes up for a little time away.

Its Been a while

Yeah, I know, I have been a bad person and not writing. SO SORRY.

Now its time for excuses. Okay well I have been studying my butt off to take this test that I had today. The easiest way to explain this test is its like the Speech Language Pathologists version of Boards. Plus I have been busy with my "job."

Catch up time: Last weekend BJ and I had premarital counseling. It was fun but really long. And I'm not real sure if they did this on purpose, but we were sitting on the most uncomfortable chairs in the whole church. Now most people didn't attend our church so they wouldn't know better that we had better chairs but we knew better. 8 hours on these things! Poor BJ, He was in pain, around 1 or 2 my lower half fell asleep so I forgot how much pain I was in. Over all, the event was a good we learned some new stuff and we still have to meet with our marriage mentors to review our scores that we received.

This weekend I came up to Wisconsin to take my test. I decided to come up here because I could then see some of the girls I haven't seen in a few months. Last night Tania and I studied for a bit then I came to the hotel and tried to get some sleep. Tried was the key word to that sentence. I did not sleep well at all, I was to hot, to cold, spazing that I missed the test, so on and so on. Finally, when it was time to get up I felt horrible. I kept trying to tell myself that it was just nerves but I am now convinced that I had some type of intestinal thing because I still feel like something has tied my intestines up into a huge knot. Now I want to go into the hot tub but middle aged people are down there and I don't want to go and sit with a bunch of strangers. Not may cup of tea. Oh well. Tomorrow I will head home back to the same old same old.

It has started

I have finally started studying for the praxis! Yes this is true! I spent about 4 hours on Sunday making notecards then realized that it was not the best way to study for this type of test. Now I have started over. I am not reading the review book and only making notecards for the stuff I don't really remember.

On another note it was a bad Monday today. I got a phone call from my second supervisor saying that one of our clients had canceled. Well I'm not real sure what I was thinking because I automatically assumed it was the first client at 12:30. Well at about 12:45 it hit me that it was really the last client of the day that canceled and there was no way I would make it to the therapy so I just stayed and looked like a moron when I finally did meet up with her.

PS tonight I used the jumprope that I bought a way long time ago with Tania and Jen. I have now gotten my $3.00 out of it but I should probably use it a few more times so I don't feel so out of shape when I am chasing the kiddos around the clinic.