The Night Before the Last Day

I'm not sure how I became so sappy but I can be honest that I have been this way always.  Sorry in advance.

It's 10:00 on the night before the last day of school. Wahoo!  We (as teachers) have been counting down the days until tomorrow since somewhere in March.  The kids have been itching to be done, the 4th and 5th graders are testing the limits with daily bathing and how to mask the smells, the rooms are emptying and everything has an excited flair.  Then I sit down and think. Ten years ago I was graduating.  Ten.  I don't remember much beside my whole family was there, it was Wisconsin and it was outside.  But that was the day that all this was possible.  Yes it is true my first baby will be done with first grade tomorrow and he will be 34 days away from turning 7.  Yes it's true that my second baby will be home with us for almost all of the summer and I swear she is waiting to start walking until we are done with school, but that is not why I'm all sappy and what not.

I started my career in a medical setting, a place where parents brought me their children and asked me to help them.  I worked long hours every day of the week year round.  I had 10 "vacation" days but if you were sick you lost a vacation day.  I saw those kids for years, until they were ready for discharge or they moved schedules changed, but it was a kid here or there.  Then I entered the Early Intervention system.  I drove out to kids home's and daycare's, I spend an hour with them sharing my toys with them and them sharing their toys with me, then they turned three.  The day before they turned three was the last day I could "see" the kids.  It was hard, I had to give over the cute little babies to the schools and had to walk away, just after I started making progress, a break through, the first words, the first play, some times the first hug.  Then I joined the schools.  It wasn't my dream job at the time, but it was a job, with kids, and I was home before dinner and bed time.  Then it happened for the first time.  The 5th graders went on to 6th grade, the just left.

The second year I was a bit more ready for it.  I kept reminding myself, that it would happen at the end of the year, but that was the first year I had students on my caseload that were moving on to the next grade.  It's a weird sort of goodbye.  To my students it's just the end of one chapter and in 12 weeks the start of a new one.  Most of my students were not fully aware of the change that would happen for them but we knew.  They weren't going to be elementary kids anymore.  They were to be Jr. High kids and in three years High Schoolers.  That year I witnessed my first 5th grade parade where they line up all the 5th graders and they walk them through the school one last time.  They give a wave to all the kids and staff and they are the first ones to leave the building on the last day of school. I knew, maybe, 2 kids at that school but let me tell you I went through about 100 tissues.  Maybe it was the fact that the next year MY baby would be starting kindergarten and I knew he would be a 5th grader before I knew it, and the graduating and who knows what else.  Maybe it was me just being a sap.  Whatever it was I quickly learned AVOID THE LAST DAY!

The third year I lucked out.  I had a baby early May meaning I conveniently missed the last day.  Elijah went off to school as a kinder and came home a first grader.  No tears were shed, and I was a sleep deprived new mother hormonal mess.  This year, not so lucky.  I lose 7 kids off of my caseload to 6th grade.  Most of these kids I have seen for 4 years, some more.  I have seen these kids come leaps and bounds.  Just thinking of the last day makes me cry.  The kids are not making it any easier for me. Take a kid that has difficulty expressing and understanding emotions, mix in a language disorder and a huge change you end up with many 5th graders unable to express themselves beside crying or yelling.  It's hard to work through these emotions when I all I want to do is curl up on the bean bags and cry next to them.

Therefore, if you need me tomorrow, bring a box of tissues because I don't do well with goodbyes.  After the kids leave you might need to come drag me out of my office and put me in the sun.  Change is hard for me and next year will be different.  I will be in a different school, have new kids on my caseload, and be traveling between two schools.  Too bad things can't stay the same, I have the same down but I much change, I must adapt and next year I will be in the same spot dreading the change, and upset about the 5th graders leaving.  

Mother's Day 2016

When you are a kid you think your mother is great. She loves you, she gives you hugs and kisses when you need them and when you don't. Sometimes she even takes you out for ice cream.  However, until you yourself become a mother you don't realize how much your mother gave you.  I'm even 95% convinced even fathers don't truly understand what a mom does (unless there isn't a mom to do them), so let me explain for all you non-mothers or soon to be mothers. 

1. A mom gives up her brain: The amount of time I spend finding everyone else's crap I am truly amazed when I can find anything of mine when I need it.  Granted I loose my car keys, cell phone, glasses, and pens within 30 seconds, all while standing/sitting in one spot, but that's because I just found four shoes that were spread across two stories and in four different rooms, the pjs the kids took off in the most random places while I was trying to shower, a stuffed animal that wandered into the car during dinner, and that random piece of foam you found at the store today and are now convinced it is a piece of pirate treasure that you have to keep within arms reach (except when you went to the bathroom an forgot about it for an hour).

2. A mom gives up sleep: Some mothers give up sleep for a much longer period of time than others, but we all do it. Personally I have lost at least 3 years of sleep in the past 7 years of being a mother.  I had a weird issue while pregnant that I would only sleep for about 2-3 hours a night. Then the sleep sucking babies were born and needed attention throughout the nights.  Apparently those cute adorable babies need to eat, even at night, and someone needs to feed them.  After they are done with night feedings they create new reasons to need you, sickness, bloody nose, bad dreams, they can't find the rock they snuck into bed after you told them "no" seven times to.  Even after they out grow that stage they invent something like sleep talking or walking, you can't sleep for a moment thinking you will wake up with your child sleep standing next to your bed.  I think my personal favorite was when my child started sleep screaming in the middle of the night when my husband wasn't home.  I thought the adrenaline was going to give me a heart attach.

3. A mom gives up warm meals: For all children up through age 4 the best gift they can give their mother is a warm meal. I would even settle for a reheated meal some nights.  I will admit, I'm not a great cook, only because I don't have the time or the patience to cook after a full day of work, but still eating what is supposed to be warm food while it is still warm would be wonderful.  I spend so much time cutting, feeding, serving, grabbing the stuff that I left on the counter that by the time I sit down to eat everyone is done and my husband is putting away the leftovers. Not only is the food cold, but now I'm also alone eating it. 

4. A mom gives up a clean organized house: It's been said before but I will say it again, cleaning a house while you have small children is the definition of insanity. Babies are programmed robots to remove anything and everything from the organization they are placed in (books on shelves, toys in baskets, food in the pantry) they actually follow you around while you're cleaning and undo everything 10 seconds after you do it.  Older children are just messy.  My son and toothpaste are in an epic battle that I have sworn off his bathroom for the next 10 years because I just don't understand how there could be toothpaste in the locations I have found it.  At this point it might be easier to move than clean.

There are many more things mothers do that go unnoticed by their children for many many years, however, once they notice them they have a higher amount of respect for their mothers and are amazed that even in an age without technology, our mothers survived.  Maybe there is still hope for us.  Maybe someday my children will understand what I did for them, maybe they won't, either way, I wouldn't give it up for the world. A belly laugh and a slobber kiss from the baby and a hand colored card from the older kid is compensation enough for all I give up.  

Love you kids, love you mom. 

My Week

This is not my first year of parenthood. I have a 6 and a half year old child. However Allison is giving us a run for our money and having us experience firsts we seemed to skip with Elijah. 

Up until Tuesday, I would have said both of our children were blessed with a strong immune system. In Elijah's first year of life he experienced one illness that required antibiotics and after he turned two had an episode of croup. But other than that, not a big deal. Allison was just about 9 months old and outside a cold or two, she hadn't been sick.  

Last Monday Elijah woke up with a runny nose and some minor congestion. I didn't think anything of it and we went on with our lives.  On Wednesday BJ said he was feeling like he was coming down with something as well.  By Thursday or Friday Allison was starting to show signs of a runny nose too.  We took it easy over the weekend and I continued to go about our life.  By Sunday night, the mild cold started to show its ugly side.  I made a parent/teacher call to keep Allison home becauseshe just looked horrible. Even though her temp was not over 100, I knew that wouldn't last long.  

I spent the day Monday giving her fever reducing meds and after the 4 hours went by would see if her temperature would start to rise.  It would, and would be up around 99.8 so I would give more medicine. By 2:00 in the afternoon I made the decision that she wasn't going to be fever free long enough to go to school the next day either. I called BJ and told him that he should plan to take at least a half day for Tuesday so I could make it to several meetings.  Ironically enough, Allison also had her 9 month well visit Tuesday in the late afternoon so I figured anything wrong with her could wait to see the doctor until then, but just on the safe side I would call and see if we could move it to earlier in the day. That way we would have something to do. They were able to get us in by 9:15 and that would put me at ease to have her ears looked at and an overall exam. I didn't think they would push back her shots, but if they did, it would be fine I would just go back next week.  Monday we went to bed with our baby medicated and ready to get up every few hours to remediate. 

By 2 or 3 in the morning Alli was up with a cry of pure misery. That sick baby cry that was only would calm when being held. We took turns having her sleep on our chest each getting an hour or so before we would switch. Around 3:30 I remember making a comment to BJ that she is breathing so fast, she can't take a deep breath. Tuesday I got ready for work and took the boy with me.  I told BJ I would have my phone on me and to let me know if the doc put her on antibiotics. I went into my 8:00 meeting and at around 10:00 I texted BJ because I still hadn't heard from him. By 10:15 I still hadn't heard from him but just thought he was busy with the talking, and shots and all that stuff. I wasn't worried, and I was in my second meeting. At 10:40 BJ let me know Allison he RSV and they were through a breathing treatment. At this point I figured she was home, on our couch. I didn't hear otherwise so I just figured they sent them home with a stop at the pharmacy to pick up some meds. I also started losing focus in my meeting and looking up RSV. Nothing to scary, especially since I thought they were at home. Minutes later, I am told she is on her second treatment and get a picture of her with her mask on. At 11:00 I am done with my meeting and go check on all my kids. I stop and talk with my supervisor and teachers. I head upstairs to pack up, give Elijah's car seat to the person bringing him home and tie up some loose ends. 

At about 11:30 I look down at my phone and see the text "I need you. She is being admitted to the hospital." At this point my heart stops. My baby is at home, why is she going to the hospital? What hospital? What is going on? 

I try to call BJ but he doesn't answer. I grab my bag and my keys and head to Elijah's class. I tell him to go home with the neighbor and I am going to the hospital to be with Alli. I try BJ again and still can't get a hold of him. I am digging through my car looking for my hands free still trying to get a hold of BJ. I finally do and a huge weight comes off my shoulders for about a second. I start throwing questions at BJ. Where is she going, why is she going, what's going on? And that huge weight that was on my shoulders comes back 10 times bigger when he can't form a sentence, and when he does is, "I'll send you a text." 

As I'm driving I get the info I was looking for, they are worried about her oxygen levels and want to monitor her overnight. Then I get a confusing text that makes me believe she was transferred by ambulance. It wasn't until this point that I realize they never left the doctor office. I call him back and need to know who has my baby. Once BJ reassures me he has her I am able to breathe easier. I run home grab some things and head to the hospital. On the way there I call Bj's mom and tell her what's going on, and that BJ might need to talk to her. 

The whole way to the hospital I'm fine, I fly into the parking garage and into the valet parking. I still didn't know where in the massive building my baby was. I walk in and the first thing I see was the information desk. I walk up to it and low and behold the first person I see behind the desk is a member of our church and all I have to say is "BJ and the baby are here, somewhere but I don't know where" she looks through her system and can't find them but sends me to the ER. I finally find them at registration and we get sent to a room. 

This is what we got.

We went into "contamination" mode. We had to wear a smock any time we are in the room, the baby couldn't leave, and some of the staff would wear face masks. Every two hours they would come in and give her a breathtaking treatment which required her to be fully restrained by me while the therapist held the mask on her face while she screamed. At 3 we decided I would stay the night with her and BJ left to get Elijah and stuff for me for the night. The baby torture continued every two hours until she slept. Then they kept doing the treatments through the night. I bairly left the room because it felt weird to leave your 9 month old baby unattended in a weird place. As she slept her oxygen levels would drop low, setting off the alarm, but never needing oxygen. By 1:00 I was able to sleep through the alarm, but not well.

Wednesday the doctor came back and indicated we would probably be staying another night. I knew I would stay with her all that day, but wanted to sleep. At 7:00 we hear she is going home and we have the crash course in how to give the treatments at home. At 8:00 BJ leaves to grab the meds before the pharmacy closes and at 8:30 I get sent home with baby. From that moment on we had to give her treatments every 4 hours, most were fine, except the 3 am one. 

Thursday was more treatments and I went back to work. Friday I stayed home and took Allison to her follow up. 

She was then dropped to every 5-6 hour treatments and to come back Monday to see how she is doing and possibly give her those nine month shots we didn't get one Tuesday. We are starting to sleep better, but still up multiple times through the night. Tonight will be our first night at 6 hours so wish us luck. 

Good Luck

Several weeks ago BJ and I watched a short blurb about parenthood. Specifically, how bed time has changed from before and after children. Before children you say "good night" after you have kids you say "good luck."  This is so true in our house now days.  We could sleep or we could be walk a mile.  It has gotten to a point where I wake up in the morning and can't remember if I was up or not.  I have to check the fitbit. The other night I walked almost 300 steps. In a room that takes about 25 steps to get to and 8 steps to walk from one side to the other, that's a lot of steps.  The fit bit also lets me know how long was awake during the night.  So each night BJ and I crawl into bed look into each other's eyes pick a night from recent past where we almost slept through the night, wish we get that, and say "good luck." We then roll over and go to sleep...for an hour or two. 

It's awesome. I love parenthood.

Reason #264 Why I don't get work done at night

Number 1 reason is I am exhausted at the end of the day.

2 is I just don't want to.

Then there are a whole bunch more with number 264 being Allison not wanting to sleep. As long as she sleeps before 11 I won't be too mad. 

She is cute though.

My Kids

I use that term a lot.  I mean a lot, a lot.  I use the term to talk about my biological children, you know the ones that sleep under the same roof.  I also use that term to talk about every single one of the children on my caseload.  Some of the kids on my caseload I have had for 3 years, some even longer.  But after many days together, good and bad, I look at those kids as my kids.  Something bad happens to them, I hurt and want to fix it.  When something good happens, I celebrate with them.  Something funny happens, I laugh.  Going forward I will talk about my kids.  Sometimes it might be the Okel kids, others it will be my school kids.  It might be obvious which is which, but don't always bank on that.  I mean the other day one of the kids ate a piece of dog food, and another ate  the tip of a pencil.  Guess which one happend in my house... I'm not telling!

But here is a cute picture from newly crawling baby that is getting into EVERYTHING.  This one really is my very own baby.

Garage Door

Several years ago the garage door decided that it didn't like cold weather.  It just stopped opening and we would have to disconnect it and open it ourselves.  Leaving wasn't so bad, it was the getting home part that was horrible.  Last year about this time we went out and bought a strong, powerful garage door.  I really think BJ was getting sick of me calling him and complaining about the thing.  The rest of last winter was beautiful, I was able to pull up to the house and pull right into the garage.  I was only recently reminded of this event due to Timehop reminding me about my Facebook excitement.

Tonight coming home from work, I have both kids in the car, it is a scorching 2 degrees outside, and the garage doesn't open.  I figure I must have hit the wrong button, so I hit it again.  Still nothing.  I hit it again, I see the light on in the garage and I quickly remember how we almost started a fire in our old opener when it froze shut.  I park, and run in the front door to check the garage from the inside.  Well low and behold, I found the problem, the doohickey that connected the motor to the door was not attached.  Don't worry, I got this, I can dead lift a door, easy peasy.  I mean I did it a bunch of times while pregnant, I got this now.  I fling the door open, and it flew up hitting the arm and hearing pieces falling off.  I look around the garage and hope to find the screws that just fell off.  I found A screw and put it aside, then bring in the car and the kids.  When BJ got home he found the problem and the real screw.  After several moments in the cold garage and a run to Home Depot, the garage is fixed again.

P.S. We are not billionaires, we did not win the Powerball.  Guess I will head to work tomorrow, and all my lofty dreams of what good I could do with the money will go to the back of my mind.  

What can I do?

The words I can't hate more, "What can I do?" I usually hear this after I tell the boy child to turn off the tv and when I tell him technology is not an option.  Gee, I don't know maybe you can play with one of the thousand of toys you have in the play area.  He needs a specific toy to play with and 80% of the time he doesn't like my suggestion. Now in all fairness he has a bunch of games that would require me to play with him and since I have to deal with Allison that doesn't always work out. But he also has a bunch of other things he can do.

Yesterday I heard it again, "what can I do?" Jokingly I replied, " read, feed Alli, change Alli, make breakfast." He chose to feed Allison. I was going to say no, but there was no real justification as to why I should say no.  What's the worst to happen, she look like a hot mess when she is done? That happens anyway. Go for it kid.

I put her in the chair and went off to make her food, when I turned my back he put a big on her and was talking to her to tell her he was going to feed her. This is what happens next. 

These two love each other so much. Allison thinks Elijah is the best thing ever and will scream in joy when she sees him. Elijah thinks Allison is just the best and loves her more than words can express. I am blessed with the relationship they have and hope it stays around a while. 

I did realize that the open mouth to get the kid to open their mouth is instinct, and she was a hot mess when we were all done.

School the Week After Break

School life has odd roller coaster effects.  Sure there are several "normal" roller coaster moments but definitely more odd ones, especially if you have never worked in the schools.  Some of the normal ones are beginning of the school year high, followed by the end of October low, followed by the Thanksgiving break high, then the sky rocket high of December.  It continues but one of the crazy time of year is coming back from break longer than a three day weekend.

I find it funny how long it takes kids (across the whole school) to get into the routine of school, and how quickly it takes them to fall out of routine.  I mean I even fell victim to it this year as I was sitting in a meeting with my stomach growling.  The typical return to school is as follows:

Day 1: Kids are so happy and excited to be back at school
Day 2: Kids are average getting into school but by lunch some of them are starting to fall asleep and be crabby over little things.
Day 3: Some of the kids are sleeping, some of the kids are crying, some of the kids just cannot function, while other kids are bouncing off the walls.
Day 4 and 5: Things start to get back to normal and we go on about our ways until the next break.

These are some things I have heard in the three days back from break from kids:
Don't worry, my ears are not missing, they are just under my head phones. (Thank goodness this kid told me this, I was just about to wonder where his ears went).
(Teacher: What did you do over break?) Wake up.
I went in an elevator, up, down, up, down, up, down, up, down.
(While crying) I miss my mom. (Teacher) Do you want snack? (Stops crying immediately) Okay!

Things you do as a parent that would be socially unacceptable to do to anyone else.

In recent years my life has been spent teaching children who are socially acceptable and unacceptable ways to act.  Most of my kids are black and white thinkers. For example, you can't lie because lying is wrong, so when Susie asks if you like her brand new hat you say, "no, it looks,funny." They don't see the harm or understand that they hurt their feelings. 

Because of this hyper awareness to the gray area of life I find myself with my baby thinking, "wow, if this wasn't an infant or even my own child, this would not be socially acceptable. Here are a few:

Picking their nose

Smelling their butt

Make them stop whatever they are doing to go to the bathroom

Stick your fingers in their mouth

Examine their teeth

Taking off their pants in public

I'm sure the list could go on, but it is late and the baby is teething and has some serious gas keeping her awake, therefore it's off to bed for me. 

Dog hair, the story of my life.

I feel as though Rescue's dog hair is every where, in our food, on our clothes, everywhere. Some times we even feel like the hair is following us. I make cookies I'm pulling hair from the batter, I putting away clothes straight from the drier, hair.  Today was the ultimate hair find though. 

Why yes that old be inside the block. How did it get in there? I'm stumped.

8 Month Baby

This is my 8 month sock fairy. Give her a sock and she will slime it.

This is drool baby! Eww! You can almost see her three teeth with her missing front tooth. Don't worry though she popped her front tooth yesterday.

Say Hello to my Little Friend

I'm still trying to figure out a name for my new baby, but if I name her we will be best friends and I won't leave her behind.  I hope.  So here I am presenting...

The brand new Fitbit One.  Here is my rational behind a One instead of the kind that you wear on your wrist is because I don't want one on my wrist ALL THE TIME.  That was about it.  That and I had a pedometer a few years ago and loved it but I was missing the fact that I couldn't tell me the number of stairs I did a day.  Then I was pregnant and I really didn't want to see how few steps I was taking because I already knew it was way below where I should be.  But new year, new tech.  Now I'm off to go find some new clothes for it on Amazon!  

P.S. Elijah and I went on a date early this morning to see Star Wars...AMAZING can't wait until the next one.